it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
