girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Panties = found
Randomize
