So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
