Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.