Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.