I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.