i permit you to call me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success