so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.