Why are handjobs necessary in class?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck