Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
