She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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