It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
