you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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