Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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