Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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