I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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