I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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