Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And then he peed in my hair
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