so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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