i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Congratulations! We have a period
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