I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
