What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
