Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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