Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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