i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
