You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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