So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
