Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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