I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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