96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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