Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I smell stomach acid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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