Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
