when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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