Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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