U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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