Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
