i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
