so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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