i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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