I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
