he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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