is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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