Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
