tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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