I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
