That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize