I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She bit a glass in half.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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