If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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