I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
