I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
