these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.