Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it