Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party