I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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