i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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