if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Enjoy the penises
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
