How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
