You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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