oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
