billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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