Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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