the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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