The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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