Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
