she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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