i jhust puked up my retainher.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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