beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
