All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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