The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
