Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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