the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
