bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
even my farts smell like vagina
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
